What They Couldn't Take
by cuteepatriotism
Summary: Twelve years in the dark of Azkaban, Sirius hid these memories. They were the only things they didn't take from him.
1. Chapter 1: A Distant Memory

**A Distant Memory**

.

.

.

The air was still in the house; no one had come or gone all day. It's days like these that make being a wanted criminal, extremely difficult. Sirius didn't know if he could take much more of staying shut up in his parents' home. This house was nothing but ghosts and bad memories. He hated everything about this place; every room held a bad memory. The only redeeming thing that made it bearable, was a memory that could have happened ages ago or yesterday.

Sirius shoved the thought away. He did not want to think about it, or . . . _No, _he thought, _please not tonight. _But the memories came flooding back anyway. The last time he let them in, was his final night in Azkaban. He had been hiding them deep down so the Dementors could not steal them from him. These precious memories and the knowledge of his innocence is what kept him sane those twelve long years.,

.

.

.

The warm summer air caused his mop of curly black hair to fly around him. It was the summer before Sirius turned ten. His parents had taken him and his brother to the park for the afternoon, which was rare, for his parents hated being around muggles. It was there in that park that he first laid eyes upon a girl his age, playing with a smaller child. She had skinny legs and a missing front tooth, but she smiled without a care in the world. Sirius watched her from a distance as she ran around the park with the small child, who he assumed to be her brother. He was fascinated by her, and the way she seemed to enjoy every moment. Then something happened, and Sirius realized why his parents had taken him and Regulus to this park. The girl had stopped running, when she spotted a flower, dried and wilted. She reached out her tiny hand and touched it. The flower slowly stood up and turned the prettiest shade of blue he had ever seen. This girl was a witch.

In this moment Sirius had completely given up and just let everything else coming roaring back into his mind, like a waterfall.

.

.

.

"Will you come on?" Remus fussed.

"Coming Mum," Sirius retorted. They were going to the library (well Remus was going, Sirius was being forced) to finish the essays Professor Carney set two days ago. Sirius opened his mouth to complain again but stopped when he noticed a girl in the corner of the room. She had shoulder-length wavy brown hair, olive-toned skin, and amber eyes. His heart skipped a little in his chest: Crennah Blaire, she was Lily Evans' best friend. He looked at her every day and was in awe of just how beautiful she was. Their families had known each other for years, as did most pure-blood families.

_She had been the little girl in the park that day, and since then they had been somewhat friends. When they started school, they formed a new bond, for she was in the same boat as Sirius, as they were both sorted into different houses instead of Slytherin, He in Gryffindor and she into Ravenclaw. His family hadn't taken very kindly to the news, and he figured hers didn't either. He hadn't seen her outside of the school term for some years now, which was weird. The summer before their third year, her family had stopped coming to all the social gathers held by the pure-bloods every year. She was the only one he would talk to, even though she never said much. Despite this childhood connection, he told James and Remus that he and Crennah weren't close until they came to Hogwarts. The truth was he was completely and utterly in love with her._

Crennah looked up from the book she had been deviling through, when she heard the familiar voices of Remus and Sirius. She had always been very fond of Remus' company, he understood that silence isn't always a bad thing. Sirius, however, was another story.

_They had known each other since childhood but were never close until they came to Hogwarts. That's what she told Lily anyway. Crennah has been in love with Sirius for years and has hid it well. She loved the way he stood defiantly against the traditions of their elitist families. Although he could be a right git at times, he was truly a good and loyal person at heart. If it had been anyone else, she would have told him how she felt, but given the recent events that had transpired within her family, her love remained, to her knowledge, secret and unrequited._

.

.

.

The sound of someone apparating onto the porch, snaps Sirius from his thoughts. He is both relieved and saddened. _This is going to be a long night, _he thought.


	2. Chapter 2: Party Lights

**Party Lights**

**.**

** .**

** .**

Sirius laid in bed that night, swimming in the memories of the 'golden days' as he liked to call them. Those precious few years before everything turned completely dark. In the schooling years of their youth, he almost missed the chance he had to tell her everything. Looking back now, he almost wished he had. _No, _he thought, _I regret nothing, all the dark was worth every ounce of light._

That magical night was one of the brightest nights in his otherwise dreary childhood, music, food, and friends, and something a little more. Sirius had never been to the Slug Club party before, Remus brought him along, so he wouldn't have to third wheel with Lily and James. Half of the students in attendance were in Slytherin house and were glaring at him the whole time. It was no secret among the Pure-Blood Elite that Sirius had left his parents' home to live with Potters, a lot of blood-traitors. He had soiled the name of Black and no one would let him forget it.

The only pure-blood in the room, other than James, that wasn't turning their nose up at him was Crennah. She was in a simple black dress, but she looked stunning. Her hair had been swept back out of her face, so you could really see her eyes. She was sitting by herself sipping on some pumpkin juice, watching the others mill about. There was a crease in between her eyes, like she was concentrating hard on something.

"Knut for your thoughts?" Sirius asked, sitting down beside her. She cocked her eyebrow at him and laughed.

"Nothing you would need to concern yourself Black." She smiled.

"Oh, I don't know, I've been told I'm pretty good at this stuff." He chuckled. Crennah didn't respond, just sat there staring into her pumpkin juice. She didn't know what to say, she wanted to tell him everything, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Sirius would be the one person who would truly understand, maybe able to help Xavier, but the words clung to her throat. Crennah raised her eyes to his, and opened her mouth to say something, however, she didn't get the chance. A couple of Slytherins had come over and plopped down in between them.

"Talking about anything interesting over here lovebirds?" Malcolm teased raising his eyebrows at Sirius.

"Buggar off." Sirius said flatly.

"That's no way to talk in front of a lady Black. Or did you forget all your manners when you moved in the blood-traitors?"

"That's enough." Crennah spoke up, her eyes burning with anger. "Why don't you and your mouth-breathers find something better to do."

"Aw come on now Love, why waste your time defending this disgrace?" Malcolm said, scooting closer to her.

"Don't get too close Malcolm," One of the girls piped up, "Her best friend is that red-headed Mudblood." She cackled. Without any type of warning Crennah jumped to her feet and drew her wand. Everyone at the party had stopped and turned at the sound of the groups collective gasp. Before Crennah could do anything else, Professor Slughorn made his way over and promptly asked her to leave the party. Crennah narrowed her eyes at the Slytherin girl hiding behind her head of house, but did as she was told, slamming the door behind her.

Lily and James came up to Sirius asking what had happened. Sirius told them what the girl had said, causing James to put a protective arm around Lily.

"She shouldn't have pulled her wand, it's not worth it." Lily sighed, shaking her head.

"It is worth it, I would have done worse." James said in a low voice.

Sirius left them standing there and went to try and catch Crennah. He did not immediately see her in the corridor, she had almost hidden herself by a window. It looked down onto the courtyard, where other party-goers had spilled out. Sirius dug around in his robes for a moment before he approached her. Crennah turned at his approach, before she could say or do anything, he extended his hand and place a small copper Knut in her palm. She smiled and chuckled a little.

"I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." She said softly.

"You have nothing to apologize for, those prats deserved whatever you were going to give 'em."

"They just get underneath my skin. So what if my best friend is muggle born? And so what if I have feelings for..." Crennah stopped mid-sentence, and her face flushed red. She turned to look at Sirius, fixing her amber eyes upon his stormy grey ones.

"Forgive me." Crennah turned to leave, but he caught her wrist.  
"You don't have to go, it's alright." She said nothing in reply but did not pull away from him. "Stay with me, this is the only part of the night I've truly enjoyed. Just look at all the party lights below." He said, motioning to the courtyard below, where Slughorn's party had spilled out.

"They are rather beautiful." Crennah whispered.

"And so are you."


	3. Chapter 3: A Safe Place

** A Safe Place**

.

.

.

Crennah often thought about that night, and the kiss she and Sirius shared. She was finally able to open up and be honest with herself about how she felt and what she wanted. However, it had been two years since that party and a year since they had all left Hogwarts and joined the Order of the Phoenix, and still she had not told Sirius, or anyone what had happened to Xavier. Crennah never really processed what happened because she was so ashamed of it. But she couldn't think about that now, she had people to protect and things to get done.  
Crennah and James had been working on gathering intel on the movements of several people believed to be high placed Death Eaters. Among them, Luscious Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange, the latter being married to Sirius' cousin Bellatrix. Several other Pure-blood families have also been implicated in the dealings with the Dark Lord. A couple members of the Order have called Sirius' and Crennah's intentions into question, for they are both from Pure-blood elitist families. The thought makes her sick to her stomach, that her friends and allies would think so little of them, and question her loyalty to Dumbledore and the cause they all fight for.

"Don't let them bother you," James said reading her thoughts on her face, "They're just scared and don't know who to trust."

"We are not our families. I would rather be dead than be like them."

"I know that, Dumbledore knows that, all those thugs who asses who have kicked know it too. You have nothing to prove Crennah."

"Tell that to the Order." She said flatly, wiping sweat from her brow. The heat wave that has been choking England these last few weeks has been unbearable, the only relief is the setting sun in the west, they have a long night ahead of them.

.

.

.

When they arrived back at Grimmauld Place, Crennah went up stairs to take a shower, but she discovered Sirius already there. Smiling to herself, she shrugged out of her robes and stepped into the bathroom. She could hear Sirius humming to himself, she pulled the shower curtain back and just took a moment to look at him. His dark curls a wet mop atop his head and clinging to his face, his body is covered in scraps and scars from various outings as Padfoot and the abuse of his family, but he is still so beautiful to her, as her body shares similar scares of her families displeasure.

"Are you going to come join me or are you just going to stand there enjoying the view." He teased her.  
"Might do a little of both." She laughed stepping into his waiting arms. After running the whole block out of hot water, the made their way into the bedroom they shared to dress. They were quiet, just enjoying each other's company lying on the old bed. Sirius broke the silence looking down at her,

"You know I've been thinking."  
"Uh oh," She laughed. He just rolled his eyes at her.

"Like I said, I've been thinking. Things have gotten pretty bad in the last few months and it really makes you think about what's important." Crennah propped herself up on her side to look at him better.

"Where are you going with this?"  
"Well I-," Sirius was cut off by the door slamming open. On the other side was Marlene McKinnon and Remus.

"I tried to stop her barging up here like this," Remus said trying to pull Marlene back.

"What is the meaning of this?" Sirius demanded, clearly agitated.

"I knew it, I always knew she was a double agent and a traitor to the Order." Marlene yelled, waving a piece of parchment in the air.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Marlene took a step inside the room and threw the parchment on the bed. Picking it up to look at, Crennah turned ghostly white.

"What is it?" Remus and Sirius said in unison. Crennah's voice was barely more than a whisper,

"It's a list of all known Death Eaters, both living and dead." Sirius turned his glare upon Marlene, "And is her name on that list?" Sirius spat.

"No, but her traitor brother is." Crennah's head snapped up, and her amber eyes burned with anger.

"Don't you dare say a word about my brother." She said through gritted teeth.

"I'll say whatever I damn well please, and you defending him proves your just as much as a traitor as he is. Tell me, do you report to a lackey? Or the Dark Lord himself? I bet you've already told him everything about all of us." Marlene shouted.

"Enough." Sirius said in a deadly voice, "Get out of my home. Now."

"But she-," Marlene started but stopped as she met Sirius' eye. She allowed Remus to lead her back down the stairs and left Sirius and Crennah alone.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry." Crennah cried, "I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn't know how."

"It's alright, you and I are not responsible for our families choices. But love I do have to ask, have you had any kind of contact with?"

"No. He's dead." She replied, not looking at him. Sirius was stunned by her answer, not knowing how to comfort her.

"He joined during our 6th year, and was sent on a missions of some sort. Our parents were so proud of him. _Defending the Bloodlines_ they boasted. But when he returned home, he was different. He told our parents that they he was done he couldn't do it anymore. By that time I had left home, and disappeared with Lily in her muggle home. Our parents were so ashamed of him, they threaten to disown him, like they did me. So he continued to do what he was told. Until one night, he was sent to convince me to come to my senses and join, make my family proud. I refused him and then he told that if I refused he was ordered to kill me to prove his loyalty. He couldn't do it. So the Dark Lord murdered him and my parents." She was sobbing now. Sirius pulled her close and just let her cry, knowing nothing he could say would make it better.

"I love you. I love you so much and they may not understand, but I do, and I still love you more than anything," Sirius said gripping her tighter, "You're why I'm fighting and I will always be a safe place for you to go." Wiping tears from her face, Crennah sits up to look at him. She places her hand on his cheek and gives him a light kiss.

"I love you too, and I want you to marry me."


	4. Chapter 4: I Can Promise You That

"I Promise"

.

.

.

The May air was warm, but everyone could feel the storm building, the buzz in the air was contagious. The last few weeks had been a bright spot in an otherwise dark time, Lily had thrown herself into planning this wedding, seeing as she was seven months pregnant and couldn't preform her duties in the Order. Crennah was happy to let her do it, not one to make a fuss over things. The only thing she asked, for the love of Merlin, keep it small and simple.

Apart from a few exceptions, namely the ten-tiered cake Molly made, Lily abided. The guest list kept to only the closest of friends, and they decor simple ribbons of sage green and may flowers. The dress Crennah was to wear belonged to Lily's mother. The ceremony itself would be simple and then they would all celebrate until they couldn't move. Lily had been running around all morning getting everything ready, until James and Molly made her sit down and rest.

Finally, in the early beginnings of dusk the music started and everyone took their places. Dumbledore was kind enough to marry them, so he stood along with Sirius and James, who was returning the favor of being best man. Lily was the only bridesmaid, wearing a simple green dress to accommodate her growing belly. Seeing as Crennah no longer had family, Remus was the one to walk her down the isle, as he had become like a brother to her.

There they stood face to face, hand in hand, in front of their closet friends. It was all the both of them could do to keep from crying.

"Beloved friends," Dumbledore started, "We have gathered at this place to see these to loving people come together and declare their love and commitment to one another. It is my understanding that they have written their own vows. Crennah if you please." Sirius squeezed her hand tight to keep from choking up.

"We have known each other since childhood, we have known the same struggle and darkness in our lives, but you have been the light in my life. I didn't fall in love with you, I walked. Willing, with eyes wide open, cherishing every step we took. I believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe in choices. And I choose you, I will choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in every variation of reality, I would find you and I would always choose you. I love you Sirius Orion Black, I will love and choose you every time." Crennah barely got the last part out, for her tears were steady streaming from her face. Even James who doesn't normally cry had to wipe away a tear. Sirius took a deep breathe to steady himself, because he still could not believe this angel of a woman wanted to marry him.  
"My darling Crennah, I have never been very good with words or promises, but I'll try my best. I can't promise you that dark clouds will never hover, or that everything will be rainbows and sunshine, I can't promise you that there wont be times where I'm a proper git or that I won't muck it all up. But I can promise you my devotion, my respect, my loyalty, and my love. I can promise that no matter what happens I will stand at your side, to listen and to hold your hand. I promise to be your protector, your friend, your family, and anything you could ever need. I can promise you that."

.

.


	5. Chapter 5: The Golden Light

** The Golden Light  
**.

.

.

The shuffling sounds of others down below brought Sirius back to the present, and he realizes he has been crying. He sits up on his bed and takes a deep breath to get a hold of himself; he's cold in this place far removed from the warmth of her glow. It has been seventeen years since the world was left empty and cold without her, but the pain in his heart was still as fresh as the night it happened. She had been apart of the rescue mission for Frank and Alice Longbottom. Bellatrix had always been a vicious woman, she hated the both of us, "Despicable blood-traitors," she's call us. Bellatrix didn't even hesitate when she murdered the woman he loved, leaving him completely alone. Shortly after he was sent to Azkaban for James and Lily's murders, and had to hide his thoughts of Crennah and her golden light has to not lose her completely.  
At that moment Remus had knocked on the door, stepping into the room before Sirius could even answer.  
"Get up, we have to go." Remus said urgently.  
"Oh? Are you all finally going to let me outside my new prison?" Sirius retorted.  
"Sirius," Remus said in a low voice, "It's Harry, he and his friends have gone to the Ministry, they need us."  
"Then why are we still here." 

.

.

.

The battle raged around the Department of Mysteries, spells flashing and flaring about, everyone shouting and running. Sirius and Harry had Malfoy cornered and the orb in hand, and Sirius had not felt this alive since before James and Lily died. He even slipped up and called Harry James. Victory is near at hand, the relief among the Order is swelling, so much that Sirius let his guard down after defeating Malfoy.  
A flash of green and a cackle from Bellatrix, the world moved in slow motion and seem to be slipping away. Sirius stumbled and turned to look at Harry, until finally falling backwards through the archway at the center of the room. The world around Sirius fell dark and silent, he seemed to float in nothingness for what felt like hours. Then, wham! His head smacked the ground and his eyes flew open.  
The air warm and smelled sweet, the sun was high and bright in a clear blue sky. Sirius sat up slowly his head still throbbing and and aching feeling in his chest, he looked around but this place was not familiar to him. He rose to his feet, dusting the dirt and grass from his clothing, instinctively he felt around for his wand but felt nothing where he usually kept it. He felt exposed and vulnerable, he needed to find shelter of some sort.

Turning he notice a rather large willow tree that had not been there before, it was old but the leaves were golden in the sunlight. As he approached the top of the hill, he could see a swing attached to the branches, and a woman slowly swing, looking down at the valley below. She has long brown hair, and was wearing a simple white dress. She must have heard him approach for the swing stopped, and she stood slowly.

"Hello, I don't mean to bother you, but I don't know where I am, and I need to get back, my godson needs me." Sirius said, taking a small step towards her.  
"Oh darling," The woman replied turning to smile at him, "Harry doesn't need us anymore. He has others to watch over him now." Her amber eyes pierced his grey ones and Sirius felt it hard to breathe properly.

"Crennah? You're here?" He all but whispered.

"I've been here waiting for the last seventeen years my love, I've missed you." She said, letting a couple of tears fall from her eyes. Crennah closed the few between them, taking him into her arms and breathing in his warm scent. Sirius held her so tight, for he feared she would disappear. They stayed like that a long while, until Crennah pulled back to look at him.

"I have missed you so much. I'm so sorry for leaving so soon, and for Azkaban, and for everything." She cried.

"Don't be," He said, wiping a tear from her face, " Everything is going to be all right now."  
"I love you.:

"I love you too." They shared a kiss that expressed everything they felt, all the pain, and love, and the pure joy of being together again. They were bathed in golden light and left the hill behind to journey into their forever.

.

.

.

_Fin_


End file.
